Archive for 2009

To relieve a bit of stress on my toxic student life, my friends invited me to watch the movie Paranormal Activity. I've heard about this movie before and they say it was good.

The sun had barely risen, casting a warm glow over the bustling streets of Manila. I sat by the window, sipping my coffee, lost in the rhythm of the city's heartbeat. It had been less than five months since I vowed to move on, to leave the past behind like a discarded shell on the beach. But the tides of life had a way of pulling me back, reminding me that some scars run deeper than the ocean's depths.

I thought it would be easy, that the pain would fade like a fleeting dream. How naive I was, to think that the wounds could heal so quickly. I had forgotten one crucial thing about myself – I clung to memories like a shipwrecked sailor clinging to driftwood, desperate for something to keep me afloat.

The pain had become a part of me, woven into the fabric of my existence. Relieving myself of it would be like trying to stop breathing – an impossible feat. And so, here I was, nearing the halfway mark of what I thought was emancipation, but in reality, it was a journey through uncharted waters, with baggage still weighing me down.

It was a blessing, then, that I had found solace in my blog. A safe haven where I could release the emotions that had been bottled up for far too long. No longer did I have to keep everything locked away, a prisoner in my own mind. The words flowed like a gentle stream, carrying with them the weight of a thousand untold stories.

As I gazed out at the bustling city, I knew that the road ahead would be paved with more "emo" moments, as I navigated the treacherous terrain of healing. But I was ready, armed with my pen and the knowledge that, even in the darkest of nights, the sun would eventually rise again.

So, bear with me, dear reader, as I piece together the shattered fragments of my soul. For in the end, it is through the cracks that the light shines through, illuminating the path to a brighter tomorrow.

The night before my birthday, I went to bed earlier than usual, around 9 pm. Yet, my rest was disrupted by the echoes of a haunting dream that had plagued me weeks prior. In that dream, my existence seemed forgotten, my birthday a mere whisper lost in the void, unacknowledged by greetings or well-wishes.

Disoriented, I reached for my phone, its dim glow revealing the hour – 1 am. Six messages adorned my inbox, like fireflies in the digital night. Curiosity piqued, I unveiled their senders: rhye, tin2, jen, and nerissa – friends whose names carried the weight of cherished bonds.

"Metats nakuman karela! Haha!" their words danced across the screen, a playful acknowledgment of their late-night vigil.

Their messages dispelled the lingering shadows of that ominous dream, reassuring me that I was not forgotten, that someone cared, someone remembered. Their words were a soothing balm, a reminder that even in the depths of the night, friendship's warmth could illuminate the path.

***

The morning sun peeked through the curtains, casting a warm glow on my face. It was my birthday, but the air felt heavy, like a weight pressing down on my chest. In our humble abode, the occasion seemed to pass by like any other day, unnoticed and unremarkable. Same as with previous ones “parang wala lang pag birthday ko, sa bahay naming. Hay! Napataas ko pa presyon ng tata ko bago ako umalis ng bahay”.

As I made my way to school, the streets greeted me with a familiar sight – a shallow pool of water, a remnant of the night's rain. My carefully chosen corporate attire, a symbol of my aspirations, now threatened to be tarnished by the puddles. The cost of transportation, a constant burden, weighed heavily on my mind.

Yet, amidst the challenges, a glimmer of joy emerged within the school's walls. Warm greetings and a generous addition to my exam score (+20) from the ever-gracious Ma'am Ganda brought a smile to my face. "At least something good happened today, right?" I mused, grateful for the small blessings.

Some had forgotten the significance of this day, the transition from my teenage years to adulthood. But when they realized, they made amends, offering belated well-wishes and gestures of kindness.

As the day drew to a close, I found myself lost in contemplation. "Can you believe it? It feels like just yesterday I was thirteen! Now it's the last year of being a teenager" I chuckled, reminiscing about the fleeting nature of time. The weight of adulthood loomed ahead, but for now, I savored the lingering moments of youth.

The night air carried a chill, a harbinger of the approaching storm. Typhoon Feria loomed, and as the winds picked up, I found myself drifting into a deep, dreamless slumber.

When the visions finally came, they were shrouded in a cryptic haze, as my dreams so often are. Fragmented scenes played out, their meanings obscured, at least at first.

Hundreds of dogs filled an enclosure, their barks and frantic movements betraying their distress. I watched, a mere observer, as some unseen force began to pull them away, one by one. In an instant, all but a handful had vanished, spirited away by this mysterious presence.

Then, it happened again. The remaining dogs were being tugged, torn from the enclosure by that same invisible force. Without thinking, I reached out and snatched one of them, cradling it in my arms. A voice shouted at me to let it go, but I ignored the command, turning on my heel and hurrying home.

Once there, I held the dog close, hugging it tightly, as if it were a lifelong companion, raised from puppyhood. Its trembling body pressed against mine, a living talisman against the strange forces that had tried to claim it.

As I awoke, the dream's meaning remained elusive, its symbolism a riddle to be unraveled. But the feeling of that warm, furry body in my arms lingered, a reminder that sometimes, we must defy the unseen currents that try to sweep us away.

The days drifted by like clouds in the sky, and I found myself lost in a haze of chatter and noise. My voice echoed through the halls, a constant companion to the silence that lingered within. But beneath the surface, something stirred, a disquiet that refused to be tamed.

This week, I became a mere shadow of myself, passive and distracted. Tasks piled up like fallen leaves, yet I remained motionless, unable to muster the strength to rake them away. The words "motivation" danced on my tongue, a desperate plea that fell on deaf ears.

_______________________________________________________

My phone, that ever-present tether to the world, lay broken and silent. No tweets, no texts, no emails – a void that left me gasping for air. Withdrawal symptoms crept in, my body betraying me with unusual movements and palpitations that haunted the night. My phone was an extension of my life, and without it, I felt adrift.

______________________________________________________________

The urge to scream clawed at my throat, a primal release for the stress that threatened to consume me. Tension coiled within, a serpent waiting to strike. I longed for calm, but it eluded me, leaving me to wrestle with the tempest that raged inside.

In the stillness of the night, I could hear the whispers of a restless soul, echoing through the empty corridors of my mind. A yearning for something more, a desire to break free from the chains that bound me to this existence.

It was one of those nights when the air felt heavy, and the flourescent glow of light seeped through my bedroom window. I lay awake, my mind drifting back to the day everything changed – the day I realized my feelings for her had blossomed into something more.

At first, I tried to ignore it, to bury those emotions deep within me. She was like a star in the night sky, beautiful and unreachable. But Cupid, that mischievous archer, had other plans. The more I tried to forget, the deeper I fell into her spell.

In the depths of my heart, a tiny spark of hope flickered – a hope that she might one day see me differently, that she might love me back. But it was a foolish dream, I knew.

I cursed her sweetness, her kindness, her beauty. Those damned smiles that made my heart somersault. Those captivating eyes ensnared me in their trap. She knew how I felt, yet she never seemed to care. To her, I was just another face in the crowd, someone she was forced to see day after day.

And yet, I was grateful to her for one thing: she made me feel alive again. Because of her, I experienced the bittersweet ache of love. But that sweetness soon turned sour.

She exposed my vulnerability, my fragility.

I still vividly recall that cursed day when she said "yes" to someone else. It crushed me, shattered my heart into a million pieces. In the back of my mind, I wondered, "How can you be so cruel?" and "What have I done to deserve this?" But I hid my pain behind an awkward smile, unwilling to let her see me fall apart. That would have been too much.

If only she had seen me crumple to the floor in that dark, cold room, tears streaming down my face. Perhaps then she might have pitied me, but I didn't want her pity.

Enough has been said. It's time to let go of the bitter past, as difficult as that may be. She was a significant part of it, but I must start anew, leave those shattered dreams behind.

Newer Posts Home

@rdvlsco

Recent Posts

Archive